four years ago today

(This reblog was originally posted on one of my previous blogs/websites. I'm reposting it here because of any of a number of reasons that make it a post I feel is worth still having available for discussion. Minor editing may have been done for clarity, or in some instances maybe there was some additional clarifying my original intent, or removing out of date information. Just letting you know. Unless noted, the publish date here reflects the originally published date.)

Four years ago today, right about now, I was being wheeled towards the operating room.

My surgery was supposed to be about 1pm, but my surgeon, the wonderful Dr. Johnson over at Unity, had been asked to help with an emergency surgery (non-bariatric related), so my surgery was delayed.

I had been there in the pre-op room for hours, had my final weigh-in (323 I believe it was), I was in that paper gown thing with the heater blowing in it. The funky leg pump things going… my parents there waiting with me.

It was just before 5 that they finally came and got me for surgery. I only vaguely remember the “air hockey table” like setup that was used to transfer me from the gurney to the table, and briefly talking with Dr. J before the anesthesia kicked it.

I don’t really remember anything about recovery, I have a vague recollection of waking briefly in my room late that night.

It seems like yesterday.

It seems like a lifetime ago.

I was called names growing up. Names that hurt. It was hard to take.

I’m called many things now… a success, an inspiration, etc. While these things are considered good things, they are (sometimes), still hard to take. While I can accept the success that I have have, while I can accept that I can help inspire others, hearing those things can still be hard to take, hard to accept.

Things have changed in so many ways, I’ve changed in so many ways. I’m not the person I was those four years ago, yet I am still… just me.

And for all the times I have been congratulated, all the folks that told me that I am an inspiration, that I am a success… well, thank you. It has gotten a bit easier to graciously accept the praise, but I would like to take a moment… on this… the anniversary of a day that changed my life… to let you know I did not do this alone.

My family, my friends that have been with me through this all, that have supported me, believed in me. I could not have done this without you. I know… I know I still am not the best at reaching out when I need it, but I also know you are there when I do. And to those who I have met through the course of events these last four years, new friends I have made… even the ones I have yet to see face-to-face… to those I “chat” with on Twitter to those who read my writings here and other places… you all have been a part of this too.

I thank you all, I could not have done this without you.

Happy Anniversary.